Irma Zamora, 33 years old
Dear E. I'm a guy who's been interested in a stunningly beautiful coworker for a long time. Both of us are 27, and recently we started becoming much closer friends. I sleep over at her house about once a week, more often than not, on the couch. The first night I was over, we slept together. She was wasted—I'm not much of a drinker—and it went very well. The next day, however, she made it clear that we're going to be "strictly friends. Now I find that every time I stay over, she tries to get us both drunk.
The girl i want to date is intelligent and funny. Generally when you just hook up with someone, you get along with them well enough and find them pleasant to be around, but, speaking only for myself, you just know that there are larger compatibility issues that would prevent a relationship from thriving. Girl only wants to hook up when drunk issues could be practical, such as living very far away or working odd hours, or they could be personal, such as knowing the other person has an incompatible set of life goals she may want to be a world traveler, you may want to settle down. The girl I want to date has a vagina and a brain, the girl I want to hook up with must only need the former. The first one I think about while masturbating. The second one I think about while masturbating, and then feel bad about it. Hookups tend to be based on aesthetics and sexual chemistry alone. I had sex with a lot of women who were absolutely not my type vastly different interests, beliefs, etc and it was purely about the physical.
Drunken hookups mean less than nothing. Don't get irritated at a guy you randomly hookup with because you feel unimportant to him. If you want to feel special, don't do drunken hookups. So, who knows, maybe he likes you but you have to cut the drunken flirting out and be brave enough to just be with him sober and getting to know him, and having him do the same with you.
Girl only wants to hook up when drunk
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I'm not much of an initiator when it comes to hooking up with guys. I feel more comfortable letting the guy make the first move. I want him to make an effort to try to see me. A lot of times I sit back and let a more aggressive girl get the guy over me. I want to help show the signs that girls like me give when we want to hook up with a guy.
If you're in college, or you ever went to college, you're familiar with a phenomenon that's known widely today as " hook up culture: The way it's supposed to work is, you go out and get drunk, and you wake up the next day with some girl you're friends with. The two of you smile and laugh about it and then go about your lives as if nothing had happened. Or, perhaps, you hold a late night study session, and then the night goes a little later than either of you expected, and you end up in one another's arms.